6 Ways to Raise Emotionally Resilient, Healthy Kids (what I'd say to my younger self)
When I became a mom, I hoped and prayed that love and good intentions would be enough. Fact is, we don't know what we're doing when we become parents, and I think you'll agree... It's damn scary!
Just about daily, I’d whisper to myself, “Don’t mess this up.”
Now, with the experience of raising three teenagers and nearly 20 years helping families through functional nutrition under my belt, I can clearly see what would have helped me breathe easier as a new mom.
So I offer you these six foundational ideas. They're grounded in science and tested in real life, and I wish I had known them sooner.
No matter where you are in your parenting - whether you're raising toddlers or teens - trust in these insights. They can help you build emotional resilience, stronger immune systems, and a more peaceful home.
1. Attachment Is the Foundation of Nervous System Health
Newborns arrive with a nervous system that can't yet self-regulate. They quite literally borrow regulation from us - particularly moms... that's the biology of it. And this builds the foundation on which they learn how to manage stress.
Parenting takeaway:
To moms - you don’t have to be perfect and you don't have to lie to your kids about being ok when you're not. But the more work you can put into knowing how to support your own nervous system, the more well-adjusted your kids will be. Be present. Your nervous system is your child’s first teacher of calm.
To dads and co-parents - your primary goal in the early days is to make sure mom is ok. Your baby is attuning to her nervous system, so take whatever you can off her plate so she can do this work.
To adoptive parents - this is a whole different topic for another time, but the attachment pain of not being able to attune to the nervous system a child got used to for 9 months in utero can be significant (I'll write about this elsewhere).
2. Dependence Comes Before Independence
We hear the message “teach kids to be independent”, but actually, kids can’t leap to independence without first knowing it’s safe to depend on us.
Secure attachment is built on trust. Trust and attachment build confidence, and confidence fuels independence. So our kids are actually better off if we foster dependence first, then let them find independence later.
Looking back, I now know that when my eldest clung to me at preschool drop-off and my youngest needed to come into our bed at night, I wasn't failing. They were just leaning on me to gather the strength to stand on their own. That’s biology at work.
Parenting takeaway:
When your kids are clingy, let them be clingy. These moments aren’t setbacks; they’re biological stepping stones to resilience.
3. Food is More Than Fuel - And The Gut is the Gateway to Mood, Immunity & Behavior
An unbalanced gut is linked to issues like eczema, anxiety, and ADHD. Here’s the mom truth: when I swapped some of the “kid food” (crackers, sugary yogurts, juice boxes) for colorful veggies, healthy fats, and fermented foods, I saw fewer meltdowns and colds. Food became a tool, not a battle.
Did you know that 70–80% of the immune system lives in the gut? Healthy gut bacteria are essential for:
- Mood regulation
- Vitamin production
- Immune defense
- Managing stress and anxiety
Food feeds the gut and brings information into the body. Real, whole, quality food is what the body is designed to need and expect. Shifting from processed “kid foods” to whole, nutrient-dense meals is well worth your energy, time, and money. You'll get eyerolls from your kids, and even other parents, but it'll lead to fewer meltdowns, better focus, and stronger immunity.
Parenting takeaway: Food isn’t just fuel. It’s information for the body and brain.
4. Sleep is Active Brain Nourishment
Sleep isn’t just rest, it’s repair.
During sleep, kids’ brains:
- Consolidate learning
- Clear toxins
- Regulate stress hormones like cortisol and insulin
- File memories
Even one poor night of sleep can disrupt blood sugar and lower immune function.
Protecting sleep sometimes felt impossible but was again, worth every ounce of the effort we put in. Think of sleep like nutrition - it’s just as crucial to let your kids sleep as it is to feed them.
Parenting takeaway: Protect sleep. No screens before bed, keep a calm routine, and dim lights early. Say no to things if you need to.
5. The Brain Develops as the Body Moves
Movement isn’t just exercise - it’s brain wiring. When babies move, they are literally wiring their brains. This blew my mind when I learned it! It means that if a baby is too constrained (think strollers, carseats, swings, baby carriers...) their brain suffers.
Crawling strengthens vision.
Spinning helps balance.
Climbing integrates sensory systems.
Outdoor play has even been shown to lower ADHD symptoms and anxiety.
Parenting takeaway: Brain development depends on physical movement. Let your kids move - it's often the fastest fix for cranky kids.
6. Stress is Biological (and Everyday Inputs Matter)
Stress isn’t only emotional. It’s also physical: too much screen time, hidden toxins, overpacked schedules... These keep the nervous system stuck in “revved up” mode.
Small shifts helped our whole house feel calmer:
- No screens during meals
- Swap plastic containers for glass
- Ditch synthetic fragrances
- Build in space and rest
Parenting takeaway: Learn to recognize what causes a body stress and always remember that stress isn't just emotional. Learn what fills your cild's stress bucket and minimize hidden stressors where you can.
Final Thoughts: Progress Over Perfection
If I could go back I’d tell my younger self this: Focus less on “not messing up” and more on building these basics:
- Safe attachment
- Healthy dependence
- Nutrient-dense food
- Quality sleep
- Daily movement
- Reducing hidden stressors
Days can feel messy, but it's actually the small, repeated choices, guided by intention, that shape resilient, healthy kids.
Want to turn this into action? I’ve created a free, printable checklist with simple daily steps for all six areas. 👉 [Grab it here]
